Saturate

I have only seen myself in black and white.

Life is plain in the younger years; simplistic.
No real definitive characteristics, only a promise that you'll grow into your skin.
One day.

The way you grow into it will define you the day you fit.
I twitch and squirm as my skin grows tighter,
Fearing I may have come into it all wrong.

I am defined by the "dos" and the "don'ts" and the "rights" and the "wrongs"
Instilled in that simplistic childhood long past.
Painted in absence of color, built by brick and mud.

"You will be sturdy in your new skin", they used to tell me.
I was molded with patience and less than consideration,
But just enough for me to withstand the predicted winds.

As I watch others mold into their skin, they solidify into masterpieces.
Bold, rich flavor bursting from their seams, ingenuity and inspiration exploding.
As I watch myself through a dusty mirror, I see the plain girl from my childhood.

I have only seen myself in black and white.
Knowing only wrong and right.
Never taking a step forward into a fight.

Before I grow into my permanent skin, I want to shine like the afternoon sun.
I want to glisten like crystal dew drops on sharp blades of grass in the dawn mist.
I want to radiate like the fiery core of the earth, explode in pure untainted colour.

I do not want to be painted in black in white.
I want to saturate my hands and all they touch,
Spilling over with bold contrasts and bright light.

I want to feel my heart overflow with soft red love,
My sadness to sting with salty blue tears.
My joy to enthrall with the flare of yellow warmth.

I want to saturate myself with something more than black and white.